FOR THOSE WORKING WITH CHAINBREAKERS

By Dr Rosa Hubbard-Ford

These articles are written specifically for those who will be working with Chainbreakers in a one on one setting. In the Church, this is likely to be a bishop or other priesthood leader. However, they contain information that will be useful to anyone living or working with a Chainbreaker – friends, family, perhaps other Chainbreakers offering support to someone who has recently disclosed her abusive childhood.

I refer to the interviewer as ‘he’ and the Chainbreaker as ‘she’ for ease of understanding, but these gender references are applicable to either sex.

The terms ‘child sexual abuser’ and ‘paedophile’ are used to describe someone who sexually abuses children. The word ‘paedophile’ means literally ‘a person who displays sexual desire towards children.’ A child is anyone under 18.

It’s important, as you work with Chainbreakers, to look at your own feelings. You’ve probably not had any personal experience of child sexual abuse, but if you have any unhealed wounds yourself, or if you have a family member or close friend who has suffered abuse which remains unresolved, it’s important to speak to an experienced counsellor or therapist before you work through these articles. You might want to work through these articles with someone who has more experience with child sexual abuse issues.

Think of an airplane flight you’ve taken in the past. Before take-off, the flight crew will have demonstrated the safety procedures for the flight. You’ll have heard the directions given in the event of a lack of oxygen during the flight – a mask will drop down in front of each passenger which they can fix over their faces allowing normal breathing.

Importantly, if you’re travelling with a child or less able passenger, you’re specifically instructed not to fix their mask before your own. Rather, you’re to fix your own mask first so that you’re then able to help the child or your less able companion.

If you were to help them first, your capacity to fix your own mask might be compromised, and they wouldn’t be in a position to help you.

So it is in helping Chainbreakers. You need to be fully aware of the issues involved, and confident in your ability to help before reaching out to someone in difficulty.

Chainbreakers need to feel safety with you, and to trust your ability to help them. You can assist them by being strong, and knowledgeable enough to keep them from further suffering in their pained and anguished state.

Child sexual abuse can arouse strong feelings in us when we work with Chainbreakers, therefore ensuring your own wellbeing and safety before you work with them is vital. It’s especially important not to bring your own biases, including personal feelings, problems and opinions, to your work with Chainbreakers.

I’ve tried to keep these articles as short as possible, while making sure they’re long enough to give you an understanding of the complicated issues involved in child sexual abuse and the implications of working with Chainbreakers. They should also help you learn basic counselling skills so that you’ll be more confident in your ability to help. They’re intended as a starting point.

Bishops may well have many Chainbreakers in their congregation. They may present you with some of your greatest challenges within your stewardship. These articles are intended to help you better understand how to fulfil this important role in helping Chainbreakers in their healing process. They’re also intended to support you as you reach out to these women.

You may have had some counselling skills training, but not specific training in child sexual abuse. Even if the Chainbreaker you’re working with is referred on elsewhere for more in depth counselling or therapy, you will remain the person she relies on to provide spiritual support, so your awareness of abuse issues will be immensely helpful to you.

Some Chainbreakers will need significant support from you, while others will only require a minimal assistance. Some will be disclosing to you for the first time and be feeling very much alone; others will have had help before seeing you and will have a strong support network. Some will rely on you as their main source of help, others will want to work through a more spiritual aspect of their healing, with you as their spiritual guide.

Remember, honesty will be greatly valued by the Chainbreaker, so if you feel you’re unable to help her, except in a spiritual sense, and that it’s in her best interests for her to be referred on to someone else for more intensive or specialised work, it’s your duty to tell her. Keep in mind that as a bishop, you’re not required to put right everyone’s problems, no matter how much you’d like to! You might even feel pressure from the Chainbreaker’s family or ward members to provide a quick solution for her. However, it’s often the right solution to refer her (with her permission, of course,) to those who are professionally trained to help.

Some thoughts about dual relationships, which are those where the counsellor takes on another role in addition to that of counsellor, either simultaneously or after the counsellor/client relationship has ended:

In the Church, the duality of such relationships may be unavoidable. A ward member being counselled by her bishop may already know him well, as part of the congregation, as a friend or neighbour, or even as part of his family or extended family. The bishop should be aware of this duality and how to deal with it. It’s important for him to reflect on this dual role and to see if this is affecting the counselling process.

If you’re a bishop offering counselling to victims of child sexual abuse, you need to seek out the support and guidance of your stake president, as there’s always the possibility of a conflict of interests. When this happens, the Chainbreaker may not be helped in a way that’s without bias or prejudice. You should know when and how to refer on to someone else if you feel that your role as counsellor may be jeopardized, or cause difficulties for the woman you’re counselling because of a dual relationship. Dual relationships are not necessarily harmful, but the potential is there. Thus, you should be aware of this within your own ward family and especially when working with deep-seated issues of child sexual abuse.

You should be objective as you offer help, so that you’re not overly emotionally involved with the Chainbreaker. This wouldn’t be helpful to her, as she needs you to be stronger than she is. Your feelings could interfere with the counselling process if you find yourself emotionally involved, and you could find difficulty being unprejudiced.

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THE STORIES THAT WILL BE BROUGHT TO YOU?

Professional counsellors are generally required to have regular supervision with a supervisor so they can check their work is up to date and ethical. This also allows them to discuss some of their more difficult cases, which they can’t discuss with friends and family because of confidentiality issues. It’s important you identify someone you can do this with. If you’re a bishop, you would normally go to your stake president. It’s important that you maintain the confidentiality of the Chainbreaker you’re working with. You can change identifying details so you can discuss the content of your interviews without revealing the identity of the Chainbreaker.

Always remember that child sexual abuse is a very complex subject, so it’s important for you to realise your own level of competence. If you feel you’re getting out of your depth, or you can’t cope with the disclosures being brought to you, it’s vital that you speak to someone more experienced than you are in abuse matters. LDS Family Services can be an important resource to you. If necessary, you can refer the Chainbreaker to them or another agency for more specialised counselling or therapy.

These articles are designed to help you to be aware of the sorts of things with which you might be confronted as you work with Chainbreakers, so you can work from a more informed base.

You can keep in mind that the feelings you might have of not being able to cope with issues of childhood sexual abuse, reflect the feelings of all Chainbreakers, who have spent a lifetime struggling to cope with the abuses they’ve suffered.

Picture yourself coming home from work a bit late after a very difficult day. You say to your wife,

‘Sorry I’m late, but it’s been an awful day. The accounts didn’t balance and no one was allowed to go home till we’d got them right. Jim lost his temper over it because he’d hoped to leave early and go to a football match. He really lost it, and threatened to quit, so there was a nasty scene. The boss wasn’t in a good mood either, so I wonder what will happen tomorrow. It was horrible being in the middle of it all.’

After you’ve offloaded your feelings, you’ll probably have something to eat, settle down, watch something on television and forget about work until the next morning.

Imagine hearing some dreadful secret abuse that one of your ward members has kept hidden for years, then going home and not being able to share it with your wife. It takes some skill and recognition of the sacredness of the trust you’ve been given by that Chainbreaker to be able to keep her secret. So it’s important to have someone with whom you can share your feelings, while maintaining the confidentiality of the Chainbreaker.

CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

Sacrament meeting is over, and people are thanking you for the talk you gave on forgiveness. You feel good about the things you said, and realise you had a lot of attention as you spoke. You recognise that while most of the congregation looked thoughtful and attentive during your talk, Cathy looked upset, and continues to do so. She’s an attractive woman in her early forties, whose attendance at Church is sporadic. When she does come, she tends to be quiet and withdrawn. She approaches you rather nervously, and asks if she can see you for a few minutes. You invite her to come to your office in ten minutes’ time.

Ten minutes later, Cathy is sitting opposite you in your office. She looks very distressed and confused. She stares down at her hands, which are tightly clasped in her lap.

After a pause, she tells you she finds it hard to forgive others and feels unworthy of God’s love. She feels she can’t do all the things you said in your talk are necessary for someone to forgive another, and thus be forgiven of their own sins.

You ask her why.

Cathy tells you about a row she recently had with a neighbour over a wrongly parked car which had upset her. She hesitates as she talks and seems very close to tears. You wait for her to continue. Cathy tells you she has never been able to forgive anyone fully. As you listen, you feel that her degree of distress seems out of proportion for a neighbourhood row over parking.

After several more moments, she softly sobs, then discloses her real reason for visiting you. She quietly reveals that her father sexually abused her as a child. She tells you she has never told anyone about this before. She stammers as she tries to get her words out. She tells you she knows she should forgive. You emphasised that in your talk. But to forgive her father for his abuses seems too much for her to do. She tries to speak coherently and apologises for her now copious tears.

You move the box of tissues on your desk a little closer so she can reach for one as you wait for her to continue.

Cathy tells you her father had said it was their special secret, that he loved her, she was such a pretty child, and it was his way of sharing a special love with her. He warned that if her mother found out, then he would have to leave home and no one would see him again, which would upset Mummy very much.

Cathy cries even more as she asks you to help her. She says she doesn’t know how she can forgive her father, and feels she’s a really bad person not to be able to do the things you spoke about. She says she feels awful telling you these things about her father as he was a respected member of the ward till he became ill and died five years ago.

Take a minute to think:

• What are your feelings right now?

• How competent do you feel to help Cathy?

• What skills do you think you might need to help Cathy?

• What fears or concerns might you have about continuing the interview?

• How do you think Cathy feels as she leaves your office?

• Why do you think she’ll feel that way?

• Do you think Cathy will feel she’s made progress?

Here are some responses Chainbreakers hear from their priesthood leaders. Rate how helpful you think each one might be as you respond to Cathy.

• It’s her duty to forgive.

• God will judge her father one day.

• The abuse was long ago in the past and time heals.

• You’re not sure of the extent of the abuse so she should describe in detail what happened so you can be sure just how much abuse there was.

• You’re very sorry to hear about her story.

• Her father was a well respected man. You’re sure he would never have done such a thing. Perhaps she misunderstood.

• She must never speak of this again.

• She needs to read the scriptures and pray until she’s able to forgive her father.

• She should discuss it with someone else.

• You’re there for her to talk to at any time.

• You have no experience in this area so you cannot help her.

• You know someone else who suffered child sexual abuse and got over it quickly.

• You’re willing to help her even though you don’t have all the answers.

WHAT IS CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?

Under the Laws of the United Kingdom, a child is defined as anyone under the age of 18 years. However, special consideration must also be given to  vulnerable young adults whose physical age is over 18, but whose mental age is younger, for example a child with Down’s Syndrome or autism.

Think about your own definition of child sexual abuse and compare it with the definitions that follow.

• Child sexual abuse is the deliberate exposure of minor children to sexual activity.

• A central characteristic of sexual abuse is the dominant position of an adult who allows himself or herself to force or coerce a child into sexual activity. Abuse by peers can also occur.

• Child sexual abuse may not be solely restricted to physical contact. Such abuse could also include non-contact abusive acts, for example, showing pornography to a child, voyeurism, sexual suggestion and involving the victim in child pornography.

In the United Kingdom, the Department of Health in 2004 used the following definition of Child Sexual Abuse:

‘[Child sexual abuse is] forcing or enticing a child or young person to take part in sexual activities, whether or not the child is aware of what is happening. The activities may include physical contact, including penetrative (eg rape or buggery) and non-penetrative acts. They may include non-contact activities such as involving children in looking at, or in the production of, pornographic material, or watching sexual activities, or encouraging children to behave in sexually inappropriate ways.’

• What did your definition add to the above, or what did it not contain?

• How close were you with your own definition?

• Have you learned anything about what child sexual abuse is?

Child sexual abuse covers all events of a sexual nature, from an abuser making sexual innuendos, suggestions, gestures, exposing himself, showing inappropriate pictures to a child, involving the child in pornography, touching, sexual intercourse and rape.

Note that child sexual abuse also encompasses incest, which is defined as ‘sexual activity between individuals so closely related that marriage is prohibited’, for example, sexual activity between a brother and sister. Incest involving a child is a form of child sexual abuse.

FACTS ABOUT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

• It’s often believed that child sexual abuse only takes place in obviously dysfunctional families. This isn’t true. Along with incest, it occurs regardless of race, class, ethnic background, family size, social group or community.

• It’s also often believed that those who are sexually abused become sexual abusers themselves. If this were true, it would mean most sexual abusers would be female. In fact, the majority of child sexual abusers are male, while the majority of victims are female.

• However, boys as well as girls are sexually abused.

• Another common fallacy is that a child must enjoy the sexual activity somewhat, otherwise she’d tell someone. Some children might experience sexual arousal or pleasure during the abuse. This is a normal physiological response, but does not indicate that the child wanted or enjoyed it. The child may also enjoy the attention they get from their abuser, especially if they get very little attention elsewhere. In spite of this, the child is often filled with feelings of guilt and shame, and may also feel dirty and polluted. Any pleasurable sensations for the child can contribute to feelings of guilt for enjoying the attention, the physical contact and for not resisting the abuse.

• It’s not true that girls who are sexually abused are precocious adolescents who flaunt their sexuality. Rather, children of all ages, from a few days or weeks upwards are sexually abused. Of course, girls who are sexualised at an early age may well become sexually precocious as a result of the abuse.

• Child sexual abuse by strangers is relatively rare. In about 80% of cases, the sexual abuser is known to the child and/or her family.

• It’s sometimes thought that abuse is a one-off occurrence, which the abuser regrets immediately. This isn’t true. 30% of paedophiles commit offences on between 11 – 450 victims. 70% of paedophiles commit offences on 1 – 10 victims.

• Mothers are often blamed if a child is sexually abused, as it’s felt she must be aware her child is being abused. In fact, the abuser is likely to be someone the mother knows and trusts.  Often, an abused child is threatened with further sexual abuse and violence if she tells her mother. She may be afraid no one will believe her. She may feel she is in some way to blame for the abuse. She may be pre-verbal, not know what to say, or even understand the abuse. She may not know that she has the right to say something. She may want to protect the family or the abuser. Children are nearly always powerless to stop the abuse.

• Child sexual abuse occurs in all organisations, groups and societies, including the Church.

• It’s sometimes felt that if the child is very young when the abuse happens, it’s not so serious. A child may not specifically remember the abuse or even understand what has happened, but the memory will be kept somewhere within her mind or body. The memories can show themselves in many ways in later childhood, adolescence or adulthood, and can be triggered by a seemingly innocent or unrelated event.

• Paedophiles are difficult to identify. They come from all social classes, age groups, ethnic backgrounds, organisations and communities. They come from all professions and walks of life. They may be judges, lawyers, doctors, plumbers, electricians, clergymen, police officers, teachers, youth workers, nurses, lorry drivers and the unemployed. Sometimes paedophiles are young themselves - adolescents or even children. They may be LDS and hold the priesthood. They’re people who seem perfectly respectable and ‘nice’. The majority are male, but some women sexually abuse children, sometimes with a partner. They’re not easily recognised. This is their way of working. They want to be acceptable. They don’t fit a stereotype, but will fit into society. As Bill the Burglar doesn’t walk down the street wearing a striped sweater, a mask over his face, carrying a swag bag and a few tools to break open doors, so the paedophile will not be readily identifiable.

• A child isn’t capable of giving informed consent. They have no idea what they are getting into, even if they agree to go along with the paedophile. A child isn’t fully aware of her own sexuality, as this develops slowly over years. Usually, the only choice open to the child is to submit to the paedophile.

• Children are harmed by participating in pornographic productions, just as they are with any other form of child sexual abuse. Such activity encourages a child to look at pornography themselves. In addition, the abuser encourages the child to believe that it’s normal for adults to be acting sexually with children.

• There is sometimes concern that memories of sexual abuse might be false. False memory syndrome is a reality, but is generally applicable to a very small minority of cases. Not all memories are true. Sometimes, the paedophile will have his own memories, which he wants everyone to believe are true. However, it’s important to believe the child. She has a reason for telling you what happened to her. If you suspect you’re not hearing the complete truth, proceed cautiously. Listen to her and accept her story. Make notes of what’s said to you, and then refer the case to professionals. False memory syndrome can only be dealt with effectively by professionals, and you may cause unnecessary harm to the victim, or supposed abuser, by trying to help her further.

• It’s unfortunately true that a church or other organisation may be targeted by paedophiles. In many organisations where people are faith based, the members can be trusting and wanting to reach out to others. This allows the paedophiles to integrate within the church or faith community more easily. Many religious organisations are family oriented, including the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which can make them targets for paedophiles.

• It can take many years to overcome child sexual abuse, or for the sexual abuse to be spoken about or even recognised as abuse. Therefore, the sooner it’s dealt with, the better for the victim, and the more likely a successful outcome of healing can be achieved more easily.

PAEDOPHILES, ACCESS TO CHILDREN AND PREVALENCE OF CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE

A paedophile will normally groom the child he targets. ‘Grooming’ means ‘preparing the child for the paedophile’s use.’ In the majority of cases, the child will not be suddenly raped. Rather, the paedophile will carefully groom the child, as well as her parents or carers, both emotionally and physically over a period of time. This allows him to coax them and the child into trusting him and his actions. He will usually want to get the child on her own.  Many perpetrators of sexual abuse are highly skilled and scheming in their seduction of children into sexual activity with them. They have an appetite they want to feed, and they will go to any lengths to satisfy this appetite. Even the grooming process can be exciting for them.

Grooming has frequently been shown to be a calculating approach of making friends with the parents or carers of the child so the abuser gains their trust. The child then accepts the cue of her parents that the paedophile is safe and trustworthy, and a special friendship is begun. The child slowly becomes dependent on this special friendship to satisfy her own needs. Once this special bond has been formed, the sexualisation of the relationship will begin, and the child might be very confused, though unable to express or make sense of this confusion. ‘After all,’ she may think, ‘This man is a special friend of the family. I don’t feel comfortable with what he’s doing, but he’s my friend, and my parent’s friend.’ The child’s trust is betrayed, which in itself has enormous psychological consequences for her, both in the present, and later on as she continues into adulthood.

While any child can be a victim of sexual abuse, those in most danger are those who are trusting and needy. They may feel abandoned in some way, isolated, misunderstood, or they may be receiving inadequate care and attention elsewhere. These include children who don’t have good communication with their parents, children of single or recently divorced parents, children with low self-esteem and children who are being bullied. Although poverty and not being able to socialise easily or fit in with peers might make a child more vulnerable to sexual abuse, it’s important to realise that it can happen in the most privileged and comfortable homes. Through their manipulation in making friends of parents and children, paedophiles can, and do, deceive all types of families.

It’s been estimated that at least one in four girls, and one in seven boys, has experienced some form of sexual abuse by the age of 18.

Therefore, it’s a fair assumption that you have members of your ward who have been victims of child sexual abuse. It’s also a real possibility that of those people who come to you for counsel on any subject, a good many of them may have suffered some form of sexual abuse as a child. Be aware that this abuse might have some bearing on the problem being brought to you, although in some cases it won’t be connected. Work very slowly, and don’t jump to any conclusions. Let the Chainbreaker lead the discovery of abuse if there is any to be discovered, and proceed with great caution.

DIFFERENT ASPECTS AND EFFECTS OF SEXUAL ABUSE – HOW THEY MIGHT BE LINKED

Trauma, as we use the term here, refers to emotional, psychological and physical shocks that leave a lasting impression. The presence of one or more of the symptoms listed below isn’t proof that child sexual abuse has occurred – other traumas can lead to these symptoms. But it’s helpful to be aware of the effects of child sexual abuse.

As each person is an individual, and each reacts differently to events in their lives, there’s no particular set of symptoms or outcomes that all victims experience, but they often include those listed below.

Along with sexual abuse, the Chainbreaker might also suffer other abuses connected to the sexual abuse. And children can be abused in ways that are not sexual in nature. This can be damaging, too, of course, but here we’re concerned specifically with the effects of sexual abuse.

A Chainbreaker may appear to suffer little distress, which may be a coping mechanism, used to hide an underlying fear of expressing emotions, or as a way of denying her feelings. She often fears further abuse, and may well test the waters by coming to you with a problem unrelated to the abuse. She may not know how to sort out her feelings or might even be unsure about them. Thus, she may not appear to have experienced any harm whilst she was a child, but might suffer serious problems that occur later in life. On the other hand, she could show symptoms a little time after the abuse stops. The initial, or short-term, effects of abuse usually appear within two years of it stopping.

• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

If the abuse is fairly recent, you might have a victim who shows the typical reactions of PTSD. This is a severe reaction to a trauma – in her case the child sexual abuse – and it might be that because of the abuse, the victim is unable to function properly for more than a month or so, and exhibits some behaviour that’s unusual for her. These behaviours could include not being able to go to school or work, tending to isolate herself, being excessively fearful, not wanting to talk about, or denying, the abuse. She might be extra jumpy, nervous, have sleeping difficulties and nightmares, be unwilling or scared to enter certain rooms, easily fly into tempers when previously she’d been quite placid, or begin to show inappropriate sexual knowledge and interest.

It could also be that someone who was abused as a child, who then recovers that memory, will suffer from PTSD as she comes to the realisation that she has suffered child sexual abuse.

Be aware that her first reaction might well have been to deny the sexual abuse, or to repress it in her memory. Her first knowledge of it might be when something else, some other event or abusive situation (sexual or non-sexual), triggers that memory and she will suffer nightmares, flashbacks of the sexually abusive events, or even inexplicable physical symptoms.

• Sexual Dysfunction

Sexual abuse victims may suffer from sexual dysfunction later in life. Normal, loving, sexual relationships might be problematic because the victim may have memories of the sexual abuse brought back to her by a touch, a remark or behaviour that reminds her of the abuse. Victims of sexual abuse may have a difficult time building a positive foundation for healthy sexual relations, as they often have no reference for sex as a loving experience, and wonder if sex is only something people do to hurt someone else.

Thus, the victim might be frigid (not easily sexually aroused,) she might find it hard to trust her partner, find it difficult to enjoy lovemaking at all, or she might become sexually provocative, thinking that relationships must involve sex. One strong indication that a child has been sexually abused is age-inappropriate sexual knowledge, excessive sexual interest and sexual performance, such as improper touching or enticement.

• Physical Abuse

Physical abuse can be a result of the sexual abuse. Although the actual physical wounds inflicted on the child may heal, later on, the victim could suffer from chronic pain which is ‘held’ in her memory somewhere in her body. Some of this pain may not have an obvious cause and might include headaches, stomach pain, menstrual pain, nausea, pain during lovemaking, intestinal complaints, back pain and other muscular or skeletal pain.

Some victims of child sexual abuse enter into physically abusive relationships in adulthood from which the find it hard to escape. Some may even seek out these types of relationships, as they’re all they’ve ever known, and whilst they don’t like the violence, and may want to escape, it’s their ‘normal’ lifestyle. Escaping from it can appear more terrifying than staying. Others are victims of rape later in life. Physical pain and being a victim is part of their reality. Sometimes, it’s all they knew and experienced as a child. This is part of what’s real to them now, in the present, and although it’s distressing, the victim doesn’t know how to change her life, or even that she’s allowed to, and may need help to do so. The only right she had before was to be a victim.

• Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse occurs because a child can’t cope with or understand sexual activity  at a young age. Inappropriate sexual activity at an early age damages the child’s ability to deal with her emotions. Her body might respond physically to the sexual abuse, but emotionally she doesn’t know how to deal with the feelings of fear or even sexual arousal resulting from the abuse.

There are two main appetites to which the body is programmed to respond automatically – the need for food and the need to procreate sexually.

Imagine you are putting a little food on a teaspoon and offering it to a baby by putting it to her mouth. What reaction would you expect? Of course, the baby would automatically open her mouth and take the food. However, if there’s something very bitter on the teaspoon, the baby will first open her mouth in eager anticipation of her first taste, then when she tastes it, she’ll yell, spit it out and refuse to take any more.

If a child is touched  sexually, her body might respond automatically with a feeling that’s pleasing to her at first, but then, when she wants to get away from the abuse, she’s too small, too young, too inexperienced to be able to do so. She’s left with fear and confused feelings.

Just as a child can only digest milk at first, then gradually be weaned onto soft food and eventually to solids, so sexual feelings and awareness need to be age appropriate. This need is violated with child sexual abuse.

• Psychological Abuse

Psychological abuse, which is always present when any kind of abuse occurs, can lead to depression, fears, panic attacks, anxiety, sleeping problems and nightmares, irritability, outbursts of anger, sexual dysfunction, sudden shock responses when touched, guilt and acting out (such as attention seeking or disruptive behaviours not normal for the victim.) The victim may have low self-confidence or self-respect, and not value her own body. This in turn might lead to addictions to alcohol and/or recreational drugs, depression, eating disorders, compulsive disorders (such as being obsessive about cleanliness, or having to follow certain rituals in order to feel safe,) self-harm and even prostitution.

Chainbreakers may not trust people of the same gender as the abuser, and may have little confidence in people in general. She might withdraw from social contact. Conversely, she may seek attention, or act out sexually, displaying inappropriate sexual behaviour. If she has learned there are no boundaries to sexual behaviour, she might feel that acting provocatively can get her some attention.

Chainbreakers may learn to cut off their feelings in order to survive the abuse. This is called dissociation. They might well remain with locked up feelings as a way of coping for many years, or indeed throughout their lives.

           Psychological problems can be mild or severe, depending on:

• The age at which the abuse happened.

• How long it continued.

• Who the perpetrator was.

• What threats, coercion or force were used to keep the victim quiet.

• What support she had in other areas of her life.

An inadequate support system compounds the abuse, as the victim is alone in her psychological world. She must cope and try to make sense of her enormous difficulties    without any help.

The psychological stage of development the victim had reached when the abuse began, or when she realised something wrong was happening to her, something she couldn’t control, may cause her to be trapped at that stage, unable to progress. She stops growing psychologically and adapts to her situation in order to survive.

Picture a little child being forced to live and grow physically in a wooden container only about three feet high, with just a long window along one side. Her body would have to learn to adapt to this limitation as it grew with her advancing years. Her body would become distorted, as would her view of the world from her unnatural position. She would be looking at the world sideways as she can’t stand upright to view it. She might see others outside her cramped, wooden prison being able to walk upright, enjoying life, and she might want to enjoy such a life too. But how can she do this? It’s not her particular world.

If she were released as an adult, she’d need intensive care and rehabilitation, with plenty of time, understanding and tenderness, working at her own pace, so that eventually she could adjust to living in an upright position. She might never gain the flexibility of someone who hadn’t been confined as she had, but she might well achieve happiness and a fuller life than she could ever have enjoyed had she remained a prisoner.

When a child is abused, it can cripple her psychologically. Her psychological growth may stop at the time the abuse happened, or when she became aware of her inability to change her situation.

• Spiritual Abuse

Spiritual abuse can happen when spiritual leaders violate their position of trust, or do not deal appropriately with the discovery of child sexual abuse by others, whether the abuse has happened within the Church or not.

However, good spiritual care can result in a reawakening of hope, and peace of mind, enabling the Chainbreaker to accept and live with problems not yet resolved.

Spiritual abuse is an affront to the spirit of the victim and she may experience the following:

• She may wonder about her own spiritual worth because she’s left with feelings of degradation, guilt and loss of self-worth.

• She may find it hard to allow herself to trust spiritually. She feels that her very soul has been harmed and she has been robbed of the spiritual security of believing in a loving God.

• If she has prayed to God to get her out of the abusive situation, both as a child and in the present, and no one notices, eases her pain, stops the abuse or rescues her, she may feel  God wants her to be abused. It must be her calling, otherwise He would have stopped it.

• Alternatively, she may stop believing in God altogether.

• Spiritual Effects of Child Sexual Abuse

What has been done to the victim can affect her even more than what is said to her later, and she can be left feeling guilty about her relationship with God. This can lead to lifelong damage.

• The victim might turn away from any spirituality later in life, or in an attempt to improve the way she feels, she might become excessively devout, but not find the joy in her life that a spiritual belief is supposed to bring.

• She might minimise the abuse in her mind, or ignore it as something unthinkable, especially if she’s trying to develop a spiritual relationship with God. An unrelated crisis later in life might cause her to confront the reality of the abuse.

• She might be angry with God or other people as a result of the abuse. Anger is part of the healing process for Chainbreakers, but for someone who’s been spiritually abused, this is a particular dilemma.

If you, as the Chainbreaker’s bishop or other spiritual leader don’t know much about CSA and how it can impact her spirituality and ability to function in life, remember that she knows what it is to experience sexual abuse. That’s her world and her reality. If you listen, understand, believe and give her autonomy, you could be giving her something she’s never experienced before.

It might be very hard for her to speak with you intimately, or to trust you with her damaged soul. It might also be very difficult for her to be told what she needs to do. She’s used to submission, and it’s led to unbearable pain. She might want to resist giving in now. She needs to feel she has the strength and ability to make her own choices.

Even to disclose the abuse, especially to a man who’s in a position of authority, may be extremely scary for her, but if you handle things sensitively, it can be an enormous move forward for her in her life and an important part of her psychological healing.

It’s essential that she chooses when, what and how much to tell you at any time. She might censor what she tells you, or feign light heartedness in case you interpret what she discloses as a sign of mental instability. This behaviour may give you the impression that she’s proud of what happened to her, like winning a trophy, or that it wasn’t really important. This, again, is her denial, because complete acceptance of what happened might be too painful. Therefore, it’s important for you to allow her to take time to disclose all her story, working at her own pace, and taking a period of weeks or months as necessary. Revealing all the abuse at once could be too traumatic for her.

However, it’s vital that you should be aware of the effect it may have on you if the Chainbreaker does choose to tell you a large portion of her story of abuse the first time you meet. It’s not unusual for a bishop, especially one who isn’t used to hearing disturbing stories of sexual abuse, to feel that they, too, have been violated in some way. He may also have feelings of anger towards the Chainbreaker for telling him such horrible things. If you’re feeling unsettled by anything in these articles, or by anything disclosed to you by someone in your care, it’s important for you to enlist the support of your stake president.

For the Chainbreaker disclosing to you, her experience is very real, even though she might prefer to believe it never happened. She might be afraid that admitting to you she was a victim could open her up to further victimisation. If the abuse occurred through someone belonging to the Church, she might want to pretend that sexual abuse could never happen in an LDS community and mentally block it out. Your acceptance of her revelations and gentle encouragement, allowing her to speak when she has previously had to be silent, can be very therapeutic for her. Although the process of her speaking out about her abuse may be extremely distressing, and you might want to know more so that you can understand her better, it’s essential you don’t press her to disclose more than she feels comfortable with at any one time.

Each person needs to be heard at the heart of their individuality and pain. Each person is unique, so it’s vital that Chainbreakers disclosing their abuse to you don’t feel they have to follow a prescribed formula to overcome the abuse. Prayer, scripture study, serving others, Church attendance and forgiving others are core parts of Church membership. But even when used wisely, they don’t provide the Chainbreaker with an inward healing on their own. She needs additional help from you, her bishop, other members of her support network and her counsellor or therapist.